After a year away, I just recently went back to work at the same company, but this time part-time as a contract employee.
My biggest concern that this might stir up the old feelings of anxiety and of being overwhelmed that I had been dealing with before I left.
I was very heartened during the countdown of the days leading up to my start date as I didn’t have a sense of foreboding or dread as the start day drew nearer. I had the occasional nervousness that I consider perfectly normal when starting something new, but no constant stream of negative thoughts that I would have experienced in the past.
The first day, I did experience some of the old anxiety in the morning as I was getting ready for my day – coughing until I thought I might throw up, but it didn’t last long and wasn’t as extreme as in past experiences. However, it did remind me that this healing process is very much still a work in progress.
Now that I have this added stressor back in my life, which has in the past been a strong trigger for my stress and anxiety, it will be even more important for me to keep as a priority the meditation, prayer, mindfulness, and other things that have been helping me heal. Even more so since I have also been a bit lax about practicing these things lately and have been noticing a difference.
I had an encouraging first couple of weeks. It warmed my heart to be greeted by smiles and hugs from my co-workers who were glad to have me back. On the whole, it was a very positive experience with a few moments of self-doubt sprinkled in.
I am looking forward to being back with cautious optimism and a dash of hope.
Wish me luck!